Unworthy

Recently, well more like 1 month ago I finally saw the Iyanla Vanzant interview on Oprah (Season 25). I've been anticipating this episode since reading Iyanla's most recent book - a tour de force, if I may say so - Peace from Broken Pieces: How to Get Through What You're Going Through where she shares her brief stint on the show and her experience in the television industry.




In Peace From Broken Pieces, Iyanla strips herself naked and gives an honest account of her failures, missteps, losses and eventual triumphs. In her story, one learns of a woman who had it all and lost it all, including her beloved daughter. She shows that our growing and learning never ends, and that even the strongest of us hurt deeply.

Iyanla was one of the experts Oprah brought on her show, along with Dr. Phil McGraw and Suze Orman. She specialized in personal and spiritual development, while Phil and Suze concentrated on psychology/conflict resolution and finance, respectively. However Iyanla had a shortlived experience on the show due to poor communication, bad advice and a sense of disentitlement.

The line that struck me in both Peace From Broken Pieces and her interview on Oprah was (paraphrasing) "I didn't think I deserved it".

While a lot can be blamed for Iyanla's short career on television, including herself, this happens to be the most profound.

Iyanla, who is world renowned for her spiritual retreats, inspirational talks and books, and empowerment workshops, suffered from something that a lot of us do _ SELF-DOUBT.

All the success she had achieved meant nothing because she lacked faith in herself and didn't feel as if she deserved the accolades.

When we undervalue our skills, talents, and selves we miss the chance to enjoy (really enjoy and appreciate) the fruits of our labour. No matter how much she had (the house, the man, the career, the fame), she still felt empty.

Iyanla had to learn to love herself, acknowledge her strengths, find the source of her feeling of worthiness and not be frightened or intimidated by her (well-deserved) success. It is sad that she had to lose so much in the process, but sometimes that's just how things happen.

The great thing is that she was able to find peace in all the broken pieces of her life. Her journey still continues, and she will falter from time to time, but her story remains a testament to the strength of our spirit.

Personal Note

I too have feelings of unworthiness. This spirit of self-doubt has plagued me since childhood. Even though I've been lauded for so much, I still feel undeserving. Despite my many accomplishments I still feel like the shy, depressed, low self-esteemed adolescent I was during high school.

That girl was often told that she wasn't good enough, wasn't pretty enough, wasn't cool enough, that she soon came to believe it ... and still does to this day.

Now I see that I often brush off praise, and devalue my skills. I have a hard time accepting compliments, and am surprised/embarrassed when people highlight my achievements.

I am now learning to appreciate my strengths and have discovered that it "is not that [I am] inadequate but that [I am] powerful beyond measure" (Marianne Williamson). That's what scares me. I know what I am capable of doing and being, and it scares the shit out of me. That is the new hurdle: not being fearful of my potential, and giving it room to grow.

My journey continues and I am growing and learning each day, and like Iyanla I too am gaining peace from the broken pieces of my life.

To Life! :)

To learn more about Iyanla Vanzant and her work, visit www.innervisionsworldwide.com